ผมลองเขียน Independent Essay แต่ไม่แน่ใจว่ามันดีพอที่จะได้คะแนนสูงๆหรือยังครับ ผมพยายามตรวจสอบ spelling, grammar, structure และ flow ของ essay อย่างสุดความสามารถแล้วครับ หากมีตรงไหนที่ยังผิดพลาด หรือยังไม่สมเหตุสมผล ขอคำแนะนำหน่อยนะครับ เพื่อผมจะเรียนรู้และนำไปปรับปรุงครับ ขอขอบพระคุณที่สละเวลามาให้คำแนะนำผมนะครับ
โจทย์
Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?
Use specific reasons and example to support your answer.
My Response
One of the most important things parent can do for children is to support their learning. Nothing is more important than how a child learns. The way a child learns will affect their future and also influences their future greatly and also our entire society. Some parent agrees that they should motivate their children to study by paying for getting high grades. I would have to say that is a good idea. In fact, I would say that is a fantastic idea. I will support my viewpoint with two reasons
The first reason is paying money to children for high grades encourages their learning and performance at school. This method of motivation could be explained by the law of learning reinforcement stating that a child will perform better when their learning is rewarded. While I was working as a teacher, the same principle is applied at my school. We implemented merits system and collaborated with parents to
encourage student to master their lessons and to build their characters. At school, student would be rewarded with merits when they pass their test or when they do well on their assignment. What excited them the most is that they will earn money from their parent when they get a perfect score on their tests. The program was very successful as almost a hundred percent of the students in my class achieved a perfect score in most of their subjects. The parents are very proud of their academic achievement too. The student might not be successful in their academic performance without getting motivated by the money from their parents.
The next reason is that when parents offer their children money when they earn high grades, children will develop an excellent opportunity to learn money management. When they earn the money this way, they can learn to use their money wisely and save it to buy things they desire. This discipline will be with them their entire life. One of my students at the school I worked with would be a perfect example of this. His academic performance was fantastic that by the end of the term he always received money as a reward. That motivation kept him to put his effort to get high grades on the test at school. He even used his saving to do a simple investment to earn more money as guided by his father, a successful businessman in town. Now, he has learned how to manage money well and it will be useful for his future career. That’s why I believe offering children money for high grades is a great idea to teach them how to manage their own money, an essential skill for their life.
To conclude, though some may disagree with the statement, I still contend that paying money to children for their high grade would be tremendously advantageous for the children. Not only will it motivates their academic performance but also it helps them to learn money management. Parents and schools should implement this method of reinforcement on their children’s learning and performance as it develops foundational skills and habits for their future education and career.
อยากขอความช่วยเหลือตรวจสอบ Independent Essay ของ TOEFL และขอคำแนะนำเพื่อการปรับปรุงและพัฒนาหน่อยนะครับ
โจทย์
Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?
Use specific reasons and example to support your answer.
My Response
One of the most important things parent can do for children is to support their learning. Nothing is more important than how a child learns. The way a child learns will affect their future and also influences their future greatly and also our entire society. Some parent agrees that they should motivate their children to study by paying for getting high grades. I would have to say that is a good idea. In fact, I would say that is a fantastic idea. I will support my viewpoint with two reasons
The first reason is paying money to children for high grades encourages their learning and performance at school. This method of motivation could be explained by the law of learning reinforcement stating that a child will perform better when their learning is rewarded. While I was working as a teacher, the same principle is applied at my school. We implemented merits system and collaborated with parents to
encourage student to master their lessons and to build their characters. At school, student would be rewarded with merits when they pass their test or when they do well on their assignment. What excited them the most is that they will earn money from their parent when they get a perfect score on their tests. The program was very successful as almost a hundred percent of the students in my class achieved a perfect score in most of their subjects. The parents are very proud of their academic achievement too. The student might not be successful in their academic performance without getting motivated by the money from their parents.
The next reason is that when parents offer their children money when they earn high grades, children will develop an excellent opportunity to learn money management. When they earn the money this way, they can learn to use their money wisely and save it to buy things they desire. This discipline will be with them their entire life. One of my students at the school I worked with would be a perfect example of this. His academic performance was fantastic that by the end of the term he always received money as a reward. That motivation kept him to put his effort to get high grades on the test at school. He even used his saving to do a simple investment to earn more money as guided by his father, a successful businessman in town. Now, he has learned how to manage money well and it will be useful for his future career. That’s why I believe offering children money for high grades is a great idea to teach them how to manage their own money, an essential skill for their life.
To conclude, though some may disagree with the statement, I still contend that paying money to children for their high grade would be tremendously advantageous for the children. Not only will it motivates their academic performance but also it helps them to learn money management. Parents and schools should implement this method of reinforcement on their children’s learning and performance as it develops foundational skills and habits for their future education and career.