รบกวนช่วยตรวจ Essay ให้หน่อยได้มั้ยครับ

น้องผมเขียนเกี่ยวกับ RAP MUSIC Should be banned เขียนแบบ Argument Essay น่ะครับ ผมก็ไม่ค่อยจะเก่งเท่าไร ยังไงรบกวนหน่อยนะครับ

เป็น Body Paragraph 1 2 3 นะครับ

Rap music is just the way to show reality of life marginalized, according to Black, 2012 reports that rap music is not a cause of violence even though it often shows the realities of drugs, violence and gangs in society. However, when we look into a detail and try to understand it in many ways such as context or lyrics, you will know that rap music is just the freedom of speech and expresses their negative emotion about their reality, but it does not pander to the audience to follow.


One of causes of violence in the society is rap music, so we should be banned from our society. However, we do not have an evidence to shows clearly in term of rap music is a cause of violence. Actually, we should not ban people do something that make them happy because of assumption that we cannot proof. According to Black, 2012 announces, "no-one has the right to band people from expressing their views about there themes." Therefore, we should respect all the expression of all people in society because all human beings are entitled to freedom of expression about idea, emotion and feeling.


Some people said that, rap music should be banned because it is dangerous to children. According to White, 2012 claims, “The strong violence and negative portrayed in the lyrics of there song can be only serve to reinforce in younger people.” Rap music that is the way to share of negative feeling such as anger, fear and frustration.  However, younger people can learn about violence and make their own decisions about any situation that appear in context and lyrics for protect themselves.


ยังไงมีตรงไหนควรแก้ไข รบกวนทีนะครับ

ขอบคุณครับ

แสดงความคิดเห็น
อ่านกระทู้อื่นที่พูดคุยเกี่ยวกับ  ภาษาอังกฤษ การเรียน การศึกษา ภาษาต่างประเทศ
โปรดศึกษาและยอมรับนโยบายข้อมูลส่วนบุคคลก่อนเริ่มใช้งาน อ่านเพิ่มเติมได้ที่นี่