แกรมม่าร์ก็เรียนมาหมดแล้วแต่ยังเขียนไม่ดีสักที ก็เข้าใจว่าสำนวนการใช้ไม่เหมือนกัน
แต่ปัญหานี้ทำให้คิดว่า ถึงแกรมม่าร์จะเป๊ะแค่ไหน ต่างชาติก็ไม่เข้าใจว่าเราจะสื่ออะไรอยู่ดี
อย่างนี้ก็มีแต่ต้องไปเรียนต่างประเทศอย่างเดียวเหรอคะ?
นี่เป็นตัวอย่าง essay ที่เราเขียนใน US history ค่ะ ช่วยตรวจและแนะนำหน่อยนะคะ
My name is Elza Snova, a senior in Brooklyn High School, whose boy friend is serving in the Vietnam War. I was born in 1930, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. My family moved to New York 5 years ago. When I was a freshman in high school I met Daniel Maynard, a junior guy who helped me find my classes at the first day. We were talking for a few months, and then we decided dating together.
Three years later, Daniel was drafted to serve in the war, at the same time he was planning to go to a law school. But he cancelled his plan and went to the war instead, when I asked for the reason he just said “well, just help the nation”. Although everyone confirmed the result that the United State would be the winner, I still worried anyway.
We wrote lots of letters to each other, all of our stories had been told by time to time. They were the things in general and the things we both were concerned. He told me that he got paid a hundred per month, sometime he wrote me a joke “Can we buy our little house by serving the war?’. I knew lots of new things from him, for example to communicating during the war they had used PRC-25, the new radio equipment in the Vietnam War at the first time in war histories. He seemed really excited about the radio he said “it is the only thing you can ask for help if you need to”. Everything was going pretty well, though we didn’t see each other for a long time. We still kept in touch and shared our love across the ocean.
In a cloudy morning, I got the worst news in my entire life. Daniel’s mom came to my house, said with her most clearly sound, though she was crying so hard. He was death… I knew by a second my heart was gone forever. It was hard to believe, there was no more his sonorous sound which made me happy whenever I heard it, there was no letter I could read and answer, there was no my guy I had waited anymore. I cried and cried till his soul-less body was arrived and buried in the oldest Jewish tomb in New York City.
I am 60 years old standing in front of his name carved on the black concrete wall in the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, Washington D.C. Thinking about the time we had together, there were happiness and sadness, but I am thankful for him to teach me how we can love somebody as much as our lives. It was 40 years ago, nevertheless I still remember Daniel and his brave forever. It is sad, the wars never end happily.
ช่วยหน่อยค่ะ คะแนน Toefl writing part ได้ 17/30
มีปัญหาเรื่องการเขียน essay ค่ะ
แต่ปัญหานี้ทำให้คิดว่า ถึงแกรมม่าร์จะเป๊ะแค่ไหน ต่างชาติก็ไม่เข้าใจว่าเราจะสื่ออะไรอยู่ดี
อย่างนี้ก็มีแต่ต้องไปเรียนต่างประเทศอย่างเดียวเหรอคะ?
นี่เป็นตัวอย่าง essay ที่เราเขียนใน US history ค่ะ ช่วยตรวจและแนะนำหน่อยนะคะ
My name is Elza Snova, a senior in Brooklyn High School, whose boy friend is serving in the Vietnam War. I was born in 1930, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. My family moved to New York 5 years ago. When I was a freshman in high school I met Daniel Maynard, a junior guy who helped me find my classes at the first day. We were talking for a few months, and then we decided dating together.
Three years later, Daniel was drafted to serve in the war, at the same time he was planning to go to a law school. But he cancelled his plan and went to the war instead, when I asked for the reason he just said “well, just help the nation”. Although everyone confirmed the result that the United State would be the winner, I still worried anyway.
We wrote lots of letters to each other, all of our stories had been told by time to time. They were the things in general and the things we both were concerned. He told me that he got paid a hundred per month, sometime he wrote me a joke “Can we buy our little house by serving the war?’. I knew lots of new things from him, for example to communicating during the war they had used PRC-25, the new radio equipment in the Vietnam War at the first time in war histories. He seemed really excited about the radio he said “it is the only thing you can ask for help if you need to”. Everything was going pretty well, though we didn’t see each other for a long time. We still kept in touch and shared our love across the ocean.
In a cloudy morning, I got the worst news in my entire life. Daniel’s mom came to my house, said with her most clearly sound, though she was crying so hard. He was death… I knew by a second my heart was gone forever. It was hard to believe, there was no more his sonorous sound which made me happy whenever I heard it, there was no letter I could read and answer, there was no my guy I had waited anymore. I cried and cried till his soul-less body was arrived and buried in the oldest Jewish tomb in New York City.
I am 60 years old standing in front of his name carved on the black concrete wall in the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, Washington D.C. Thinking about the time we had together, there were happiness and sadness, but I am thankful for him to teach me how we can love somebody as much as our lives. It was 40 years ago, nevertheless I still remember Daniel and his brave forever. It is sad, the wars never end happily.
ช่วยหน่อยค่ะ คะแนน Toefl writing part ได้ 17/30